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Is This Satire? –


Is This Satire?


I am apparently well known to everybody, from my face, to my clothes to the way I dress, apparently I’ve even been visited at my place of work. Therefore expressing the following facts is irrelevant since they are already so well known.

Fact 1: I left London & moved to Dorset because a gang of what I took to be thieves had demanded £1,000 pounds a month from me, a teacher over a eight years. When the demands started I didn’t take them seriously, I’m a teacher for God’s sake! When I refused to cough up I was threatened with acid throwing, and since my partner was frightened to go to work & had not worked in a year, I thought it would be a good idea for us to move to Dorset.

Fact 2: On leaving London we found that we hadn’t gotten rid of our harassers, they had followed us to Dorset, we wound up sleeping rough. I later found out that London based gang members were boasting that this was in revenge for us not complying with their demands.


Fact 3: On returning to London without my relationship, I was then dogged by the selfsame gang members & it was intimated that if I didn’t produce money for these men I might find myself being raped on public transport. Think I’m kidding? Even drawing unemployment benefit from the bank became a challenging experience!

Fact 5: Unbeknownst to me the police were well ahead of their (numb fuck gang bangers) game, but that as they say is another story…

Fact 6: I am grateful to the community I live in and the action it is taking along with the police to challenge parasites like these. I hadn’t realised that my experience was neither a unique nor a solitary one (acid throwing is rapidly becoming a ‘London tradition’ in certain boroughs the commission of criminal offences like this are increasing year upon a year), until the police and the community became heavily involved, thank you guys!


Fact 7: Parents running families have had experiences similar to mine, parents running business have experienced the same. Estate agents renting out houses to tenants who suddenly find themselves notified by the police of the fact that they’ve been unknowingly hosting a crack den or a cannabis farm may have had experiences similar to mine. Gang members dealing in the cold hard capital that drugs can produce, are not going to take kindly to their operations being discretely wound down by an irate landlord even where he is initially supported in this by the police.

Fact 8: 16,000 police lost, 6,000 community officers lost, £160m more budget cuts to come. My bad experience in the end turned out fine, but will the police be there for the next hapless teacher or business person who falls foul of ruthless money thieves or wannabe drug dealers?